Dear 2021,
It’s difficult to recall how long it has been when I am losing track of time itself. I’ve been mentioning a pandemic [for how long?] with no end in sight. This [capitalist] country’s cruelty— this government’s disregard for public health and safety. To be here, wrecked in this place again, and to be present at this moment is to battle with a range of emotions. I could reimagine you away; send you to the farthest depths of my mind where all block-out years reside…
As a writer, I’ll say this year was one for my future memoirs. Truth is, explicit details about the last six [or so] months of my life are safer with a licensed, professional counselor than they’d ever be on here… until the time comes when I just don’t give a fuck, I suppose.
Seeing life through someone else’s lens— diaries, are archival. They chronicle the intersections [of life itself], capturing perspective. My mind is blown at the thought of this: capturing the intersections of identity and reality. Through art, like this blog (an online, open diary) the identities of individuals most affected by intersectionality at this time and [our] their perspectives are being captured, for us and by us; chronicling the world on fire. Cutting through the frigid air, 2021, you’ve scalded your way into remembrance. Surviving another year lost to wreckage, another year of disconnection, paired with life’s tenacity to keep on chugging— going on, moving forward, waiting for absolutely no one (despite the state of the world)… It’s been one hell of a ride.
In the end, I lost far more than I won; but what I won was invaluable. I’m ending this year closer to my latest dream (I’m always dreaming) of becoming a certified birth doula, and farther on this spiritual path (crafted perfectly for me)… I’m ending the year with direction and a new sense of self. Countless times, I’ve found peace within the wreckage, peace in solitude, peace in intimacy and community-building. Peace in being present: present to show love, present to receive it… I’ve found peace in walking away from anything that makes me unhappy; and I’m more determined than ever to keep choosing what feels best for me mentally and spiritually. I am proud of the work I’ve done so far, and grateful to be able to continue doing it. This year showed me most how I can evolve and accept change [change as constant— change as inevitable]. I had to accept a lot of change to begin grieving. I had to let go of a lot to be able to hold onto myself, and put in the effort of hoping [and fighting] for better days. Today I feel the deepest in my bones, that to have hope [and be my most authentic self] is to be revolutionary.
New year, new prayers— new things to pray for and pray over. A year beginning with stronger intention, stronger intuition, and even stronger faith. A year with direction, passion, and success— my version of all these things. Cheers, to 2022!
