It’s been one foot [slowly] in front of the other for the first month of 2021. I’ve never felt more afraid, yet more aware, of this hypothetical “bottom.” Tightropes usually come with nets but, 2020 wasn’t a safety net type of year. Am I fearful of falling? Absolutely. This hypothetical bottom looks different to each of us so, it’s terrifying in multiple ways... Are we getting closer to it... Are we soaring upwards, farther from it; so much so that every stumble along the way seems demising?

I tell myself that growth is not linear, no matter the shape of the tightrope. Eventually you get so far out there, it’s scarier to turn back. What’s pushing you forward? Every circus has its clowns, animals, onlookers... Every circus has its exploitations; has its profits, has its good seats... What’s pushing you forward? Blessings, lessons, everything in between. Sometimes you just get to enjoy the show...

I don’t know how long it takes to settle into a new year; especially if I’m traumatized. Last year— the question of it all? The invasive surrealism it gave. Adjusting as understatement; surviving feat after feat... Now, new year [familiarly tainted], new heights, new risks, new fears. A period of healing has begun—  which means pain but, also means growth. Everything else too— joy, sorrow, change, repetition, todays, tomorrows, and yesterdays especially... What’s pushing you forward?

One foot in front of the other, terrified and aware; here and nowhere else. Be present, be steady, be ready for the other side.