Two Years

Today is May 30,2021. Two years have passed since I graduated college. In 2019, finishing undergrad had possibly been my greatest accomplishment. Though it still is one of, the past two years have taught me that it is just that, one of my greatest accomplishments; because I have no doubt that I will continue to do great things. Finishing undergrad felt like a cycle of completion; added to it the fact that it had taken me a little bit longer than I’d intended. Reflecting two years later, perhaps the cycle wasn’t yet complete. When I think about my five years of undergrad, [two different schools, two different states] the soundtrack would be …you can't always get what you want, you can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, well, you just might find, you get what you need­— for so many reasons! I never found my balance and yet I’d spent so much agonizing time balancing. I’m sure a lot of it was anxiety. However, recalling my college experience, there was a lack of mental/emotional preparation prior to said experience. The result, negative emotions about an accomplishment that deserves celebration. Since graduating and its sudden propellant into a new chapter, the what’s next of it all has done more harm than good. 

It’s no coincidence that my post-undergrad anniversary and blog anniversary happen to be so close together. This year I am reminded of what this blog is all about. I began writing about my experience after graduating college. My goal was/is to give an honest documentation of my journey between stepping out into the real-world post-college graduation, and somehow arriving at my dream job/personalized career/life’s passion and purpose, etc. Guess what I’ve discovered. Not only that I do not dream of labor but also, that over time your views of your own life and your experiences will change, repeatedly. You grow, you learn, you start to see things differently. You start to want different things for yourself, different things out of life, so much of what you’ve absorbed. So much of your environment mixed in, so much of other’s influence. You change. Seven years ago, I left home to be a graphic design student in Philadelphia. Changed majors along the way; I wanted [needed] to write. Then I came back home to finish. It’s not until two years later I’ve realized how much I love doing both, especially when I can combine the two [visual art and writing]. Why should an artist have to choose?[Being an artist is already hard enough]. Two years after graduating I’m seeing the beauty of being the type of person who never wants to limit themself. It took me this long to accept I won’t always be able to [or want to] turn my passions into profits. Yet, I didn’t go into college thinking about all the nuanced ways one can be an artist, do what they love, and take care of themselves all at the same time. Now, as I embark on a completely different, new career journey (I’ll spill later), I am still set on my initial goal for Please No Bullsh*t, which is to document a path to the right fit, and all the transformations in between. 

Hoping this doesn’t sound corny but if you lose direction, yet find yourself, then you were never truly lost. For those who have been reading and keeping up with Please No Bullsh*t over the past year, you know I’ve felt lost plenty of times.  Still, I hope I am keeping my promise of remaining honest as I find my way. If you can relate, then you know how many twists and turns there are. I’m here to assure others, as I often must assure myself, that everything is alright. Everything is ok, and it may not feel like it now but, everything will be. I can think of a dozen different ways I would have wanted these last two years to go. Yet, as I feel this is the closest I’ve ever been to my purpose, I see that it would be impossible to change a single thing. Whatever happened was meant to; what is meant to be, will be. Over a year of solitude could have granted me this serenity, combined with getting older; but right now I just have to call this chapter, Everything Happens For a Reason; where I am especially learning how to accept the things that I cannot control. No matter how I feel about my college experience, or how my view of college in general has changed during this time, I could never denounce or replace the people I met, the places I went, the connections I made, or the lessons I had to learn. Two years from now, I have no doubt that I’ll be saying the same thing about where I am at this very moment. So, cheers to another year of growth— celebrating the end of quite a few difficult chapters, and cheers to the beginning of my greatest ones yet; cheers to every want that never went my way, and cheers to every need in disguise.